The wind of change

Do you familiar with the moment when you are trying to write something but the words don’t come although the head is full of unspoken thoughts and all you have is to watch the blinking cursor on an empty white screen page?

I had this moment for days. I wanted to write about everything and nothing. I was eager to speak to this world, but it was not the time and the place. I have my moments of questioning everything. The doubts eat me alive. More often I become uncertain, and that pisses me off. You don’t understand what I’m talking about, right? You need the examples. Of course, you need.

Let me clarify this for you.

I feel the way I’m trying to communicate with the people doesn’t work. No matter how sincere and frank I am, the people just don’t need that. Because let’s be honest, all of us are sincere (or trying to be) and it’s become almost a habitual behavior. No miracle, no wondering. We are open books without secrets. “GM. I woke up.” – Tap, tap, tap. Post. “I’m eating my sandwich.” – Tap, tap, tap. Post. “Here is the place I live.” – Tap, tap, tap. Post. “Here’re the friends I have.” – Tap, tap, tap. Post. “Here’re the places I’m traveling to.” – Tap, tap, tap. Post. Post. Post. You got the idea.

We have a perfect guide to another’s life. We are looking through wide-open windows of social-media into the stranger’s lifestyles and habits. Instagram is the most common chronic illness. It spreads the idea to be on display. The people I meet, the places I attend, the food I eat, the books I read, my thoughts, my desires – everything is here, in our Insta-stories and posts. And we gladly share ourselves without hesitation, without secrets. This race of sincerity lasts for years. All of us want to be special, with a twist, not like the rest, because it gives us the public adoration and we are happy to measure it in ‘likes’ and ‘follows’. That’s okay. Really. It’s fine. This competition cannot be won by everyone but anyone can try their hand.

I needed a moment. To realize. To accept this forced break. To change the attitude. To understand the likes and dislikes. That’s where the doubts came from.  I like that spot I occupy: being the part of the #bookstagram community, sharing my thoughts, reading and reviewing, communicating with people. I disliked the way I implemented it, sharing absolutely everything and keeping nothing to myself. I don’t want to give the keys to my life to everyone. I want to be in charge of my social life. It doesn’t mean I will lie and be secretive. I’m still here to share my heart and my thoughts with you, to chat and laugh and help. But my values have shifted, and nothing will be the same as before. 

The Wind of Change has come. And I’m excited to welcome it.

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